Boredom and Poverty

For much of my life I have had things to do, I’ve been a student, I’ve worked, I’ve had hobbies and a social group. Of late I am not a student, I am marginally employed, and well my social life is lacking. Its funny how hard it is to meet people when even the gas to go out is dear, I’ve wanted to go to the local knitting group, but they meet at a restaurant and my poorness and shyness keep me from going.

The result is that I have nowhere to go and no money to do things. Unemployment is boring, even when you occasionally work. I’m employed at a temp agency which is really nice, but I worked 5 days in July, which is not enough. I’ve tried to fill my days with job applications but that really only takes about an hour or less every morning. I’ve cleaned, then given up for a while, but I’m taking up cleaning again. I spent some time weaving and have made some 18th century garters in a big man length and started a more delicate pair.

 

I’ve knit on socks for my boyfriend, and am halfway through the second one. Unfortunately our anniversary is today so they aren’t on time or anything. I’ve even tried out some wool carding and find that I need practice on that.

Last night I even washed the pans when I didn’t really need to do it just then, it was just something to pass the time.

I have applied for food stamps, and qualified. I think almost nothing in my life has ever made me feel more of a failure than filling out that application. I wasn’t going to, I’ve been avoiding thinking about it, but a friend on ravelry suggested that I would qualify and I finally did it. I just did the interview today so I’ve not gotten the card yet, but since applying I think I have realized how unhealthy my diet has been. The other day my entire dinner was rice fixed with herbs from the freezer. The only fresh vegetables I have are squash I got for free last time I was  home. I raided the tomato bin when a friend didn’t want to haul them home and last time my dad visited I made him buy me kale. I don’t miss meat, I miss variety and I miss fresh veggies. I miss basil, I miss mexican food, I miss having basic ingredients and I miss being able to make brownies just because I want them. Yeah I’m 26, childless and unmarried. Yes I have a master’s degree. That being said, I have been living off free squash, rice and potatoes and I didn’t know when the next gallon of milk was going to happen. Food insecurity isn’t just happening to other people, it was happening to me and I still feel guilty for trying to get out of this hole I’m in.

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